This week on Universal Man – our 100th episode – Grego sits down with Pricey to chat about modern masculinity; why blokes feel torn between outdated stereotypes, toxic role models and the pressure to be everything at once.
They explore chapters of a man’s life, anger and physical energy, fatherhood, service and courage; skip this work and you risk staying Peter Pan.
Tune in for another cracking episode where you get to hear about how to build authentic, courageous masculinity.
Legends, we also can’t thank you enough for being a part of the Universal Man community over the journey. We’re absolutely stoked you’re still with us after 100 superb episodes!
In this episode we talk about:
Redefining masculinity beyond stereotypes, toxic role models and macho bravado.
Life chapters, rites of passage and growing from boyhood to manhood.
Balancing strength, vulnerability and courage as a modern man.
Handling male anger, physical energy and conflict without causing harm, and
Moving from self-centred living to service, fatherhood and real responsibility.
“It’s about men finding their true masculinity and that true masculinity is a dance between strength and being weak. It’s about vulnerability and yet risk. It’s about courage.”
Key points in the episode
Why masculinity is a tough but vital conversation
Grego and Pricey acknowledge they have avoided this topic because everyone has a personal, deeply internal sense of who they want to be as a man; it is tied to values, congruence and life experience.
They call out the danger in anyone telling you exactly what kind of man you should be; when a bloke claims to have the one true model of masculinity, you should be very careful about what he says next.
Pricey highlights the hard facts; more men take their own life, more men end up in jail and there is a long history of men defaulting to violence when under pressure, from domestic violence through to caveman survival behaviours.
They frame masculinity as something worth wrestling with; if we do not question the models we have inherited, those old patterns of power, silence and violence will keep repeating through our sons and communities.
Redefining strength, courage and so-called “toxic masculinity”
Pricey pushes back on the extremes; this is not about wimpy, overly effeminate men hugging teddy bears, and it is not about ego-driven hunters who use power over others and never cry because “boys do not cry”.
True masculinity is described as a dance between strength and weakness; between vulnerability and risk; between courage and tenderness. It is not one gear of toughness, it is a whole toolbox of responses.
Pricey shares his work with men in the disability community; guys with motor neurone disease or cerebral palsy who lack physical strength but radiate courage, resilience and an infectious embrace of life that leaves teenage boys in awe.
The invitation is to rethink strength; not as how much you can lift or how hard you can hit, but as the capacity to keep showing up, to love deeply, to take responsibility and to be emotionally honest when it would be easier to hide.
Chapters, rites of passage and growing up
Grego names the ancient pattern; boyhood to manhood, then to warrior and eventually to chief. He laments that many modern men never experience a real rite of passage that clearly marks the shift from boy to man.
He shares how his own post-school years lacked any guided transition; his early chapter was backpacking, partying and chasing fun, which was brilliant for a time, but eventually felt empty when life asked for something deeper.
Pricey tells the story of a talented First XV rugby player whose whole identity was wrapped in performance; years later he finds him at a bar still wearing the faded school jersey, and feels sad that the past achievement may still define him.
They call out the Peter Pan trap; the 45-year-old still chasing a 17-year-old’s gym body, one-night stands and drinking competitions. At some point you are meant to graduate from that chapter into a more mature, grounded masculinity.
Grego challenges listeners to see their life in chapters; who are you at 50, at 55, at 65; what kind of man, leader and human do you want each new chapter to call out of you.
From self to service; fatherhood, family and real responsibility
Grego references James Hollis’ idea of the second half of life; the great shift is from serving self to serving others, and fatherhood or deep partnership will drag you into that whether you are ready or not.
They reflect on the move from being able to spend your whole pay packet on yourself to a season where maybe 1 per cent is “for you” and the rest serves kids, partner, mortgage and responsibilities; and strangely, you would not have it any other way.
Pricey talks about the ordinary heroism of fatherhood and partnership; driving the kids to school, coaching their teams, being present when your partner comes home after a hard day and simply needing you to be there.
They insist that masculinity cannot stay self-absorbed; a good man grows into someone who accepts responsibility for others and takes pride in being a stable, dependable presence for the people who rely on him.
Anger, physical energy and the male body
Grego shares what he has learned about male and female responses to conflict; men often go physical first then verbal, while women are more likely to go verbal first, exactly when men are least capable of good conversation.
He describes watching his young son melt down; full of energy, kicking the bed and steaming with frustration. Instead of talking it out, he quietly takes him for a steep walk up the hill, letting the physical energy drain away before saying a word.
At the top, after minutes of silence and a shared view, his son is finally ready to talk. Grego links this to his own pattern; when he is really fired up, going for a long run often leads to the realisation that he has been an idiot.
They encourage blokes to honour this wiring; when you are charged up, move first, talk later. Use exercise or a walk to settle the nervous system so that when you return to the conversation, your verbal brain is back online and you are less likely to cause harm.
Builder or destroyer; facing the masculine shadow
Grego names the double-edged sword of masculine energy; men have built incredible things and been great providers, but the same drive, if unexamined, can flip into destruction, dehumanising others and excusing violence in the name of survival.
They reflect on how, historically, warriors needed to dehumanise enemy tribes to protect their own; that capacity still lives in us and can show up in modern life as coldness, distance or cruelty when we feel threatened.
Grego offers a simple litmus test for public masculine figures; imagine that man as your 75-year-old father. Does his behaviour still seem cool, admirable and wise, or does it look like a man stuck in an immature chapter.
Pricey speaks about being curious rather than purely condemning; with someone like Andrew Tate he wonders what shadow has not been faced, what grief has not been grieved or what loss is driving a one-dimensional, power-heavy version of masculinity.
The call is to bring out the builder rather than the destroyer; to use masculine energy to create, protect and uplift rather than dominate, belittle or harm.
Mateship, hiking and hearing with your gut
Grego laughs about classic bloke catch-ups; his wife asks how his mates are really going, how their marriages are, and he has no idea because they mostly talked about football and told stories, yet it still felt deeply connecting.
He highlights the quiet power of male friendship; you might not dive into feelings every time, but when a crisis hits, you know you have a circle of problem solvers and fixers ready to roll up their sleeves.
Pricey shares his love of hiking with different mates; long days of walking with packs, admiring the views, cooking simple meals and occasionally dropping into surprisingly deep conversations that land because the shared experience has built trust.
He tells a moving story about his father; he never remembers saying “I love you” before his dad died, and carried that as a painful regret until a young man repeatedly insisted that his father definitely knew. He realised he heard that truth with his gut more than his ears.
They suggest that men often “hear” at a gut level; an arm around a shoulder, a ruffled head at half-time or a quiet presence can speak louder than a perfectly crafted speech about feelings.
The man you are vs the man you could have been
Grego shares a line that haunts him; his greatest fear is that when he dies, the man he is meets the man he could have been, and they are strangers. Masculinity, for him, is about closing that gap over a lifetime.
They encourage men to picture themselves at 65 or 70; not just physically, but in character. Is that bloke someone you would be proud to sit down with; is he comfortable in his own skin, respected by family and mates, at peace with his story.
Pricey warns against being forever defined by the faded First XV jersey or past glories; winning a grand final or smashing physical goals is fantastic, but it should become fuel for inner growth rather than the full definition of who you are.
They close by inviting listeners not to be fooled by narrow, noisy narratives about what masculinity must be; instead, slowly craft your own grounded, service-centred, courageous version of manhood that will still look good on you when you are an old bloke.
